Film Review: Pirates 4 - On Stranger Tides

On Stranger Tides is the latest adventure in the Pirates franchise and proves that while ‘dead men tell no tales’, it appears well paid Disney writers can’t tell a decent one either, savvy? Director Rob Marshall’s mutation of a once intriguing Jack Sparrow into a listless tour guide results in nothing less than pure disappointment.

Captain Jack (Johnny Depp) is tasked with locating the fabled fountain of youth in a race against the Spanish and Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush). In his quest, Sparrow is forced to team up with the dreaded pirate Blackbeard and his daughter Angelica (Penelope Cruz), who also happens to be a feisty old flame.

Sadly, while the opening sequence in London is quite a punchy start to the venture, the story quickly fizzles into the equivalent of a drowsy Sunday drive in a beige Volvo. Undeveloped characters and wandering sub-plots are unapologetically shoe-horned in as gap filler for looming plot holes.

What is noticeably absent from Pirates 4 is the visual smorgasbord that ordinarily draws us in to this grandiose pirate world. Stunning locations akin to Davey Jones’ Locker and Shipwreck Cove, along with fantasy creatures such as cursed ghost pirates, barnacled Dutchman crew and foppily dressed pirate lords are disappointingly lacking. No. Wait. There are two badly pierced zombies and several mean-spirited mermaids. My bad.

Avast! Don’t waste your doubloons, mateys. This tedious humdrumity belongs nowhere else but in Davey Jones’ Locker. Permanently.

2 STARS

Film Review: Source Code

Source Code is one of those masterful sci-fi films that comes along once every few years where everything lines up. Original idea, tight script, a great cast, high stakes and solid execution that efficiently showcases its raw intelligence.

The second film of talented Moon director Duncan Jones, it continues in the vein of the intriguing sci-fi thriller.

Captain Colter Stevens (Jake Gyllenhaal) wakes to find himself disorientated on a Chicago passenger train in the body of Sean, a complete stranger. 8 minutes later, the train explodes and Stevens wakes up in his own reality, a few hours in the future.

The decorated Captain comes to learn that he is the pointy end of the experimental Source Code project and is sent back again and again to relive the last 8 minutes of Sean’s life. His only goal, to interact with passengers and find the train’s bomber before a much larger device is detonated in the heart of the city later that day.

In every jump, Stevens finds he can move freely as Sean and through his interaction with others, minutely change the course of events.

At only 90 minutes, the lean narrative has clearly been subjected to a long Zumba workout with Beto. All extraneous fat has been jiggled away, allowing the plot to develop cleanly and quickly. The tight pace keeps you on the edge of your seat, but isn’t so ‘speedy Gonzalez’ that you become lost. This is rare in today’s sci-fi space, as many films spend their opening 60 minutes painfully and meticulously constructing our hero’s world, without pushing the story forward one iota.

Source Code is a cleverly crafted sci-fi thinker that delivers an action packed story, while minimising the casual love story to an acceptable murmur. An absolute must see for the sci-fi and action enthusiasts.

4 STARS

Film Review: Arthur

Have you ever placed a cat on an office chair and spun it around for a good 60 seconds to see what would happen? Not that I have, but what you would witness is a splayed cat, feebly punching one paw into the air in an attempt to gain traction with a rapidly spinning world.

Watching this punch-drunk furbag cling desperately to such a predicament is the closest thing I could arrive at when venturing to describe Russell Brand’s acting style. However, given his childish, rambling awkwardness, in the title role of Arthur, Brand actually works surprisingly well.

Arthur Bach is an alcoholic, millionaire, playboy man-child who receives an ultimatum from his cold and elitist mother; willingly accept her arranged marriage to the boring and career-obsessed Susan (Jennifer Garner) or be cut off forever!

Unprepared for a life of squalor, Arthur reluctantly agrees, until he meets the enchanting and free-spirited Naomi (Greta Gerwig). Affronted by the painful realisation all men must face – that securing a beautiful, vivacious woman will inevitably result in a forever empty wallet – Arthur must decide what makes him truly happy.

The understated Helen Mirren is simply superb as Arthur’s dry-witted chaperone, Hobson. And while 33 years my senior, I can honestly say that this accomplished screen vixen still has more sex appeal (and male admirers) at 65 than Pippa Middleton’s bot-bot.

The supporting cast of Geraldine James, Garner and Gerwig also give playfully entertaining performances. However, it has to be said that Nick Nolte should most definitely not be acting in films anymore. Or be on tv. Or host infomercials. Or even guest star in government department induction training videos. Ever.

Arthur is a light-hearted journey of one mans need to grow up fast. While not a total laugh-fest, it still supplied an overall entertaining and feel good viewing experience.

3 STARS